I won't lose you
by ranakane-fan-gal
Summary: Tomoyo decides to take her life. How did it happen and how will Sakura save her? Read and review please..


This is my first attempt in making a shoujo ai fanfic. I have other fanfics but I haven't posted them yet.. Could you please tell me all the mistakes you see please. I want to edit it (when I can, at least). Thanks!

Japanese words:

Iie- No Hai - Yes

Gomen nasai - I'm sorry

Hoe! - Sakura's expression when she's surprised

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Tomoyo's POV

I wait for her again at the gate. This is already becoming one of my favorite places because it's where i see her. Everyday. Every morning. Every afternoon. I wait for her. And she comes to me with a smile that beats the sun's brightness. She calls out my name.

"Tomoyo-chan!"

Just seeing her makes my heart skip a beat. With her usual cheerful self, she waves at me while running.

"Gomen nasai, Tomoyo-chan. Kero got me into a lot of trouble again. He's been hiding in my bag more often these days. He's been acting weird lately. Anyway, let's go home."

She smiled at me again. I blushed at the sight so I turned with my back facing her.

"You're right, Sakura-chan. We better get going. I'll tell my guards that I will be walking with you."

"Hoe! Demo Tomoyo-chan, it's okay if you ride with them instead. Don't worry I'll be okay."

She's so cute when she does that "hoe!" expression. I wish that i'll always be with her, to see her like this. But I know I can't. It's because we both love each other differently. She loves me only as a friend but I love her more than just a friend. "Unrequited Love" some say.

"Iie Sakura-chan. I like being able to walk with you. That's because I love you."

"I love you too, Tomoyo-chan!"

She answered so freely. Not even blushing or hesitating in saying it. Whenever I hear her say that, my heart beats faster but at the same time it feels like its breaking. But I won't change our relationship. I don't want to ruin it. I just want to see her smile, to be with her. I'm happy with that.

"Tomoyo-chan.. Tomoyo-chan.. Are you alright?"

I didn't hear her calling me. I guess I was just too deep in thought. I gave her a reassuring smile and nodded. I should be more careful not to space out like that. Then she grabbed my hand and gave me one of her smiles again. I was caught off guard again. I didn't have time to look away to hide my blush because I was caught in her Emerald eyes. She saw me blushing! Oh no! What will I do? Then she gave me a worried look.

"Tomoyo-chan.. What's wrong? Are you having a fever?"

I sighed with relief. Sometimes Sakura-chan's naivety saves me. I composed myself again and started walking.

"Let's go home, Sakura-chan.."

"Hai!"

That's right.. I'm happy with just being with you.. Just seeing you like this is enough.. I'm satisfied with this.. I'm glad.. Aren't I?

I wonder why you're not here yet. There aren't any club activities today. Could it be that.. No.. Could it be that you're in trouble. That another card has activated and you're in danger..

Then I felt it. The feeling that you can't explain. It's when somebody who you love is in danger. No.. No I can't let that happen. I'm coming Sakura..

"Oh Sakura-chan. Please be alright.."

I repeated that phrase in my head over and over. I ran all the way to the building. It was raining. But I didn't care. I just want to see you. Just to see you smile again. Just to see you safe. It's all I need. Please be alright. Please.. Sakura-chan!!

Then I saw you. Yes. You were safe. You were alright. But.. But.. You were with him. You were in his arms. My mouth opened. My eyes widened. Why? Why do I feel like i'm going to collapse? I feel like my life has been taken away. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing but it was useless. I heard you say my name. I didn't answer you. It was too painful. You tried to say something but I didn't listen. Why do I have to feel this way? Why do I have to suffer? Why do I still love you even if I know that you'll never be mine? Why? Why?!

I ran out of the building. You shouted my name again. I didn't pay attention to it. My tears began to flow freely with the rain, making my vision blur. I didn't even know where I was going. But I didn't care. I wanted to go anywhere. Anywhere but there. That scene entered my mind again. I clutched my head and my heart. Why can't I get used to this? I knew that someday this was going to happen. But still I can't accept it. I can't accept the truth that you will never love me the way I love you.

"This couldn't be happening. This isn't real! I'm just dreaming, aren't I? I'm gonna wake up, won't I? Right? Right?"

My thoughts were cut off when I slipped. I slid down the road. My head and clothes were covered with mud. I didn't care. She will never be mine. She will never love me. I hate this. I hate myself for falling in love with her. I stayed still for a moment. Not caring in the world what happens to me. I just let the rain hit me. Embracing me with its cold drops. I tried to get up but my legs aren't working. I forced myself to get up. Slowly and painfully.

"I promised myself.. I promised myself that I won't get hurt.. I promised myself that her happiness is my happiness. But why?Why am I so sad? Why am I in pain? It hurts.. My heart hurts.. Sakura-chan.. Why do you hurt me? Why?"

I got unto my feet. I shivered and hugged myself. Why does it hurt? I promised myself so why? I started to walk, going towards my house. I clutched my left arm. I can feel the blood gushing out. I must have gotten it when I fell. I don't care what happens to me, though. This pain doesn't even compare to what my heart is feeling now. I stopped when I saw the front door of our house. I opened it, not caring what will happen inside. Mom wasn't home; she was probably in one of her business trips again. The maids are probably in the kitchen. I went straight to my room, leaving a trail of water. I got to my room and closed the door with my back facing it. I tried to stop the tears again but I failed miserably. I collapsed and hugged my knees. I sat there crying for a few minutes. I can still hear the rain fall and hit the ground. I hugged my knees tighter.

"Sakura-chan.. Sakura-chan.."

Sakura's POV

"Hoe! It's already this time! Tomoyo must have been waiting for 30 minutes already!

I ran as fast as I could. I was going down the stairs when I tripped over a cat that passed by. I tried to stop myself from falling but inertia and gravity pulled me.

"Yyaaaahhhh!!"

Everything went painfully slow. I was going to fall. Tomoyo-chan.. Tomoyo-chan!!

Then somebody caught me. I kept my eyes closed for a second not realizing that i was already safe. I can feel the warmth from my savior's body.

I looked up at my savior and was about to say Tomoyo-chan when I saw it wasn't her face.

"Li-kun.."

"Sakura.. Are you all right?"

"Yes. Thanks Li-kun."

There was silence after I answered him. A few moments later, I heard a sob. I looked at my side - It was Tomoyo, crying. My heart shattered when I saw her.

It was my first time seeing her like this. Seeing the always smiling and gentle Tomoyo crying with such misery. I tried to call her name but the words won't come out. Why was she crying?

I suddenly remembered that Li and I were still embracing each other. Then the memory of Tomoyo telling me that she loves me popped in my mind. Time went slow from that point.

"To-Tomoyo-chan.. I-it isn't what you think.. You see.. I.. He.."

I couldn't tell her, the lump in my throat won't let me, but I have to. I need to tell her. Or else.. Or else she might be gone.. She might disappear from my life.. I can't let that happen! I can't! I just can't! I closed my eyes and got out of Li's arms. I was about to tell her everything when I saw her running. Running away from me. My face paled and my heart ached.

I reached out my hand for her. I tried to run but my legs won't listen to me. I can't move. The only thing that I can do was watch her run. Why? Why can't I move? Please.. My legs.. you have to move!

If you don't, Tomoyo-chan will.. Tomoyo-chan will never know the truth. My legs collapsed under my weight and I cried. I hugged myself. I thought of Tomoyo's face. She was smiling but it was suddenly replaced by Tomoyo who was crying. My heart ached again and felt a sharp pain. I clutched my clothes where my heart was at.

"No.. No.. This can't be.. No, Tomoyo-chan.. You've got it all wrong. Li-kun saved me.. If he wasn't there then I would have.. Please Tomoyo-chan.. You have to understand.. Please listen.. Hear me out.. Tomoyo-chan.." My tears ran down harder.. I choked a sob and looked at the place where she ran away.

"TOMOYO-CHAN!"

Oh, Sakura.. Why? Why can't you be mine? Why can't you love me the way I love you? Why do you always have to hurt me? These questions have always been in my mind ever since I told you my feelings.

You, Sakura, have always been the one I love ever since you gave me that eraser. I've always thought that I have a chance. I've always thought that you'll love me back. But I thought wrong.

I always had. I was just too stubborn to admit it. Too blinded by hope. Then a voice in my head spoke.

"Whatever happened to 'her happiness is your happiness', huh?"

My eyes widened when I heard it. I completely forgot about that. The promise I made to myself. I was about to agree when I thought of something again.

"I just can't keep lying to myself forever, right?"

The voice spoke again, "Hmph. I guess you're right. Well what do you want to do now?"

The first word that came to my mind was death. Yes. That's right. Death. No one will miss me anyway. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. If.. if I end my life now.. I won't have any problems.. I won't feel this pain anymore.. I don't want this anymore.. I don't want to be confused.. It's easier for me to.. To die and be gone.. But.. I won't be able to see Sakura anymore.. I won't be able to see her smile.. Or to help her with collecting the clow cards.. I started to cry again. I suddenly remembered the past. When she gave me her eraser on the first day I came to her school. When we had our picnic together and watched the Sakura petals gently part ways with the tree. All of us were there. Sakura, me, Syaoran.. My heart began to burn with hate and anger when i remembered him. He was the one who caused all this! If only he wasn't here then.. Then Sakura and I would have.. I didn't get to finish the sentence because a sigh escaped from my lips. No.. It wasn't his fault. It was mine. Everything was mine. If only I hadn't loved her.. If only I hadn't hope that she'll love me back.. Then all of this wouldn't have happened. Gomen, Syaoran.. Gomen.. Sakura..

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Well.. This fic isn't finish yet. Don't worry. I'll finish this when i have the time and when i'm in the mood. Still have lots of school works to do.. Please comment/review..


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